The Most Personal Blog Post I'll Most Likely Ever Write

Last weekend was our county fair. What I'm sure is often a fun time for a lot of the young people around here has been more of a downer for me the last couple of years. I never see anybody I know, and when I do, they usually don't want to talk to me.

And then, there's her...

I'm not going to tell you all who "she" is, because I know it would embarass her. She may even be reading this right now for all I know. Some of you know who "she" is, and you know that we were really close at one time.

So, when I was contemplating what my next post should be about, I decided it was time to delve into my own life, and share a story that was personal. Maybe too personal, but I'll let you all be the judge of that.

I first met "her" when she was dating a friend of mine. They broke up not too long after we got to know each other, and we didn't really talk to eachother much after that...for a while.

One night, I was at work when she came in. Work was pretty quiet, so we talked for a while. An hour and a half later, we were still talking! We quickly realized after that that we could easily be friends, and over the months that followed, we became very good friends.

About a week before the 2011 county fair, she got a boyfriend, which didn't bother me because we were just friends, but when I saw her with him at the fair, something just didn't feel right.

Sleep began to elude me. She filled my thoughts every day, and I knew then, that I had fallen. Hard. I'd had crushes, but had never felt like that before.
Not too long after the fair's end, she broke up with her boyfriend. I swore to myself that I would tell her exactly how I felt. I waited about a month before I finally came clean about it.

We were driving just for the heck of it when I told her I had to talk to her about something, and I shared my feelings with her. My speech was met with silence, and shock if I had to label an emotion to her face. But she took it all in stride, said that I was one of two guys interested in dating her at that time.

I was still miserable for a while after that. Especially when she chose the other guy, but I tried not to let her see how much it bothered me. How depressed I really was.

All of a sudden, the other guy was out of the picture. I was in, and we became an "Impromptu couple." In other words, we weren't publically official, but kind've, if that makes any sense.

For those next couple months, life was great. We hung out nearly every weekend, either taking a drive or seeing a movie. Sometimes both. We began sharing all of our secrets. We were closer than ever before.

They say that all good things must end, and this unfortunately did too. To this day, I'm not quite sure what happened. We were on one of our usual drives when she said we should slow things down. I asked her if there was another guy. She said there wasn't.

Two days later, Facebook said she was in a relationship. No other guy, huh? I have to say, that one hurt a lot. It bugged me for weeks. It still does every now and again.

Since then, our conversations have grown less and less frequent. The message we'd been sending back and forth on facebook for a year stopped. She purposely avoided me whenever possible. At the fair this last weekend, I made four attempts to talk to her, and never even recieved an acknowledgement of my presence. Supposedly, we're still friends, but she won't even respond to a text message half the time, even if all I say is "Hi, How are you?"

I'm sure most of you, if you're still reading this, are thinking "Grow up and move on." I know, I'm a hopeless romantic, and I should have known that it wouldn't have worked out. I know. I get it.

The thing is though, even after all of that. After the really long summer where our conversations have been few and short. After all the tears I've cried and the pain I've felt. After all the blame I've cast, I still can't move on. I still think of her every day. She still is always on my mind, and she will probably never leave. Part of her will be with me forever.

Until Next Time...:/
W.